Oh, I get it: that
“A” stands for adultery,
not “anal rapist.”
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Woman Warrior: Sometimes, A Direct Quote Is Far Better Than Anything I Could Possibly Write
He used to put his
naked penis on the dinner
table, laughing.
naked penis on the dinner
table, laughing.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Othello: Sometimes Auto-erotic Asphyxiation Goes a Little Too Far
Doth Othello need
to choke a bitch? Forsooth, he
needs must choke a bitch.
to choke a bitch? Forsooth, he
needs must choke a bitch.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Tennyson: The SparkNotes Summary of “In Memoriam”
Too bad I never
get to cup Hallam’s perfect
balls ever again.
get to cup Hallam’s perfect
balls ever again.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Moby Dick: It’s Whatever You Want It To Be
The white whale is a
metaphor for a giant,
shiny, wet ----.
metaphor for a giant,
shiny, wet ----.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
The Wanderer: I'm So Ronery
Waaaah waaaah. Look at me:
No one likes me. I’m so sad.
Why? I smell like poo.
No one likes me. I’m so sad.
Why? I smell like poo.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Beowulf: Thanks, but I Think I’ll Sit This One Out
Who wants to get messed
up on mead and beat up
monsters...or women?
up on mead and beat up
monsters...or women?
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Dryden: Why His Political Philosophy Never Really Caught On
Hooray, monarchy!
Fat, ruthless kings are clearly
looking out for us.
Fat, ruthless kings are clearly
looking out for us.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Browning: My Last Duchess Goes Very Well with a Glass of Chianti
What happened to my
last wife? I sure didn’t kill
and eat her. No way.
last wife? I sure didn’t kill
and eat her. No way.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Walcott: A Brief Commentary on the Marginalia in my Library Copy of “Omeros”
To the person who
wrote that a swallow is a
“lizard:” You’re brilliant.
wrote that a swallow is a
“lizard:” You’re brilliant.
Monday, June 18, 2007
The Wife of Bath’s Tale: I’d Hit That...Wait, No, No I Wouldn’t
Hey, baby, you look
hott in dem scarlet hose. Damn,
but you old. No thanks.
hott in dem scarlet hose. Damn,
but you old. No thanks.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Donne: ...I Guess That Explains the Rash
That flea sucked on us
both. Wait. My mistake. That was
a prostitute. Neat.
both. Wait. My mistake. That was
a prostitute. Neat.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Swift: Culinary Suggestions, Courtesy of "A Tale of a Tub"
Would you like some of
my brown loaf? No? Well, then go
fuck yourself, coat-boy.
my brown loaf? No? Well, then go
fuck yourself, coat-boy.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Faulkner: Somebody Needs to Buy a Good Time for the Slow Guy
Everybody gets
some, except for Benjy. That’s sad.
Hush, retarded dude.
some, except for Benjy. That’s sad.
Hush, retarded dude.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Tristram Shandy: Who Says That Books Don't Teach Us Anything Useful?
Something Laurence Sterne
taught me: Keep your penis
away from windows.
taught me: Keep your penis
away from windows.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
York Mystery Plays: How I Imagine Every Medieval Text That I Read
Guy playing Jesus
Has no teeth. Gross. That’s how the
Middle Ages roll.
Has no teeth. Gross. That’s how the
Middle Ages roll.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Pope: Dryden's Mini-Me
Pope was a short name
for a short man. That poor, poor
midget. Still—screw him.
for a short man. That poor, poor
midget. Still—screw him.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Herbert: How Thee Delight Mee
Nothing says, “Hi, I’m
a religious poet” like
the phrase “taste my meat.”
a religious poet” like
the phrase “taste my meat.”
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Middlemarch: It's Minor Eliot
Middlemarch: dudes, chicks,
marriage or something. Who cares?
I didn’t read it.
marriage or something. Who cares?
I didn’t read it.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
A Long Day's Journey Into Night: It's the Best Thing to Do with $6, Really
Jaime bangs a fat
prostitute. Good for him. Hope
he enjoys the clap.
prostitute. Good for him. Hope
he enjoys the clap.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Hello, Summer!
Nothing says fun like a seven-page, single-spaced reading list covering every major work of English literature from Beowulf to Beloved. Measuring up to something in the neighborhood of 13,000 pages, the Master's Exam Reading List is its own private hell. And then you actually have to take the exam itself. Oh, frabjous day!
To save my own sanity--and to delight my brothers-in-arms (or whatever voyeurs might happen across this blog)--I will be posting daily haikus here for the next two months. They will be about the books, the authors, and just the general feelings of warmth and fuzziness that arise from reading seven or eight hours a day, every day, for two months straight.
Bon appetit.
To save my own sanity--and to delight my brothers-in-arms (or whatever voyeurs might happen across this blog)--I will be posting daily haikus here for the next two months. They will be about the books, the authors, and just the general feelings of warmth and fuzziness that arise from reading seven or eight hours a day, every day, for two months straight.
Bon appetit.
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